I live with a ghost. He doesn’t look like the ghosts in the movies, he doesn’t leave cryptic messages around the house; I’m not even scared of him. But I know he’s there. He’s always there. He’s there as I watch TV late at night, he’s there when I get on the “A” train in the morning, and he’s even there as I’m sitting at my desk at work. How do I know I live with a ghost that I can’t really see you ask? Easy, because I carry him in my heart.

I’m sure you live with a ghost too. Yes, you reading this. Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it. Have you ever missed someone? No, like really missed them. You know the type of missing that when you think of that person you still get butterflies in your stomach? The type of missing that even years after you last saw them you still remember the exact words said in your final conversation? The type of missing that makes you realize that they took a part of you you may never get back? If you can relate to any of the above, then you too are living with a ghost.

When I mention a phantasm I don’t necessarily speak of the memory of a significant other either. Maybe your ghost resembles your grandmother whom you so dearly miss, maybe it’s your friend whom you lost too soon or maybe your ghost is only one call away, but you’ve never built the courage to pick up the phone and dial their number. See, that’s the thing about phantoms, they don’t always visit us when they’re gone, often times it’s when they’re alive that they haunt us the most. The ugly sweater they gave you for the holidays, the stuffed animal you still have on top of your bed, the scent of someone wearing their cologne on the street….all reasons we hold on to the retentive memory of someone.

If there is one thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older it’s that regardless of how good or bad the times you shared with someone were, our memories are what keep us living. Sometimes we get so caught up in meaningless arguments and in such petty emotion that we end up killing people in our lives before their time. Our inability to forgive, our ego’s incapacity to say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I miss you’ are the things that hinder us the most. We are the creators of the ghosts that haunt us.

So how do you get rid of your ghost? I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer. I will tell you this however, every time your ghost appears, quit running away. If they keep coming back, it’s because they made a difference in your life. Embrace the fact that whether the difference was a positive one or a negative one, you are now a better person for it. If you spend that much time thinking about someone, make your memories happy ones, make them worth remembering. Remember, at the end of the day memories are all we get to take with us.

Ever wonder whose ghost YOU are?

– Orisel