Hope

The Incredibly Shrinking Ori

I’m broken. Truth is that I’ve been broken for a very long time now.

Many of my friends and my readers have asked me why I haven’t posted any new blogs and I have a list of excuses that I constantly give people as to why:

“I have two jobs now”

“I’m the Queen of Procastinationville”

“Adulthood sucks and has taken over my life”

While most of these aren’t really excuses because Lord knows that I really am the reigning monarch of Procrastinationville, the honest truth is that most of the posts I have drafted are very personal and raw. Now, I know that the blog is called “Ori With A Story”, so you’re probably saying to yourself “duh! it HAS to be personal. It’s your damn story” but the truth is that as a writer, as honest as I’d like to be with my audience, I also don’t want to have to sell my soul to my readers. Some things you just want to keep to yourself.

In the last few months I have been battling my own set of demons and the fight is far from over. I am a work in progress (probably will be until the day I die) and as much as I’d like to hide them by always having a smile on my face and a good attitude to boot, there are days where I fall into a self-induced depression and I let the demons win. I get tired of fighting them, it’s draining.

While I won’t go into detail about what my demons are in this post, I have made the conscious decision to start documenting them from now on right here, in front of the world. I figure that if I’m going through many of these issues, then many of you out there are going through similar experiences and at the very least if I can’t help myself, then maybe I can help someone else through their struggle.

I repeat: I’m NOT perfect. It’s actually pretty frightening how imperfect I am, but I’m working on making life a little better for myself every day. I’m scared, I’m insecure sometimes, I’m stubborn, I’m vindictive and I feel like the older I get, the more jaded I become. But at least I’m honest with myself about it and that’s the first step.

Not to worry, all of my posts will not be this dark and twisty, but just know that if you’re going through something difficult in your life right now, you’re not alone in your struggle. Just remember to be kind to others, as we’re all fighting a pretty tough battle.

-Ori

Ori’s Story: Work in Progress

One word can accurately describe my life at the moment: MESS. I’m a mess at work, I’m a mess in my love life, my home is a mess and Lord knows how many other messes I’ve gotten into on a daily basis that I haven’t even noticed. At least I’m honest about it. It’s like the old saying goes: “When it rains, it pours”, well in my life “when it rains, it hurricanes”. But there is a silver lining to my tedious tale and here it is….I just don’t give a sh*t anymore. Simple huh? Well this is the thing; deep down I really do care, but as a New Yorker, I’m not going to let you know that.

See, that’s the beautiful thing about living in the Big Apple, regardless of how crappy or stressful or even amazing your life is, everyone is too busy to really notice. It’s like getting a “Get-out-of-jail-free-card” everyday. As a native New Yorker, I was born with thick skin (how else do you explain being a lifelong Knicks fans without slitting my wrists?) I walk fast, I talk fast, I think fast and at any given time I’m multi-tasking 8 different things at once. May sound crazy, but it’s the only sane way to live in these parts. If you’re not paving your own path, you’re probably getting left behind in someone else’s.

Just how upside-down is my life you ask? Just this week alone I’ve fought a guy who tried to steal my cab on 5th Avenue, argued with the lady behind the counter a Dunkin Donuts for messing up my breakfast order and listened to my boss compare a paper clip to Hitler in our office. And all this was JUST before 9:30am on Monday morning! Not to mention if one more tourist stops in front of me to take a picture of a tree in the middle of Times Square, not even the Christmas Spirit will save them. My week gradually declined from there. Working at a Law Firm and dealing with tons of clients on a daily basis only adds up to the insurmountable amount of stress.

But there’s hope for me after all. After 3 rum & cokes I’ve finally found clarity. The solution to all of my wreckage is simple: I’ll keep my eye on the prize, my vision in focus, put that thick New York skin on and if all else fails, I’m sure that I’ll find comfort in one of the 20,000+ bars my city has to offer. If there’s anything that my wacky life has taught me lately is that everything passes and things only get better; you just have to give it some time. For that I’m grateful. Besides, what do I really have to fear? I’m a New Yorker, I’m built to last.

– Orisel