relationships

Broken Mirrors

Mirror

Yesterday I broke a mirror at work. I went to go put a dirty menu away in our coat check room and without noticing, I slid the mirror off the table it was on. The lights were off but as soon as I heard the shattering noise, I knew it sounded like something I was going to be picking up shortly.

As I bent down to start cleaning the mess I had just created, I started remembering of that old “breaking mirrors” superstition. As I gently picked up the bigger pieces first, I wondered if I could possibly be staring into 7 years of bad luck to come. I mean, I wouldn’t say I’ve been going through a bad luck streak lately because things have been pretty great, but for the last few weeks, I have been in a slump that I’ve been trying ever so desperately to get myself out of.

Before I was done picking up all of the bigger pieces, I heard someone say “Excuse me Miss…” It was one of our customers. I didn’t know his name but he was tall, impeccably dressed and had hair that reminded me of John Stamos circa “Full House”. For a moment I forgot all about the mirror on the floor and floated off to fantasy land. As I was halfway to a Caribbean destination with him in my daydream, he said: “My coat is right behind you. Would you mind passing it to me?” Sigh. That sobered me up real quick. So I passed him the coat and he left, but not before tipping me $3. I suppose that if none of my goals come true, I have a promising future in coat checking.

So I went back to picking up my mirror. I picked up every last piece, swept the floor and put the debris in a plastic bag and threw it in the garbage. I think what happened next is what therapists like to call “The Breakthrough”. I realized that some relationships are like broken glass, it’s better to leave them broken than to harm yourself putting them back together. Maybe that’s why I’ve been in this slump recently, I’m trying to mend what I can’t.
I went back to the hostess desk and quickly replayed what’s been going on in my life the last few weeks. Then and only then, was that I noticed that the worst moments in my slump were triggered by the same group of people. Now I realize that it’s time to cut ties. The last time I had an energy sucking vampire in my life, I cut her off and life has never been better. So why am I allowing others to merely substitute this person as the bane of my existence?

Enough.

My mother always says that when something around you breaks, it’s because it absorbed a negative energy that could’ve caused a greater harm later on. So maybe my broken mirror isn’t a sign of bad luck at all, maybe it’s a sign that I need to pick up the pieces to the relationships in my life and just do away with the rest. When you’re done trying to fix things, it’s best to just let go, regardless of how strong the bond was once upon a time. After all, even if you did succeed in putting the mirror back together again, you wouldn’t be able to see yourself as clearly as before, would you?

-Ori

Fee Fi Faux Friend

Friendship is one of the fundamental principles we learn as children. Our cousins/siblings are our first set of friends or we meet a friend in pre-school, maybe a next door neighbor. As adults we learn to value our friendships even more (it is very necessary to have a loving friend take your phone away from you before you start drunk texting). Our perception of friendship slowly changes as we get older and we begin to realize that what we once considered worthy behavior has lost its luster and friends whose company we once enjoyed now have become the bane of our existence. Before you start telling yourself that you do not have people like this in your life, think twice. You do have a friend like this; WE ALL DO.

Are you still in denial questioning whether or not you have an individual like this in your life? Well then, how about this? I’ll give you various characteristics a person I am talking about might exhibit and you can decide for yourself:

1) Have you ever had a friend who was angry/upset/disgusted at someone and bad-mouthed that person repeatedly YET one day, out of the blue became best friends with the very same person that they trash-talked for so long?
YES □ NO □

2) Have you ever had a friend who one day encourages you to engage in a certain type of behavior, but the moment they are mad or upset with you they chastise the VERY SAME behavior they once applauded you for?
YES □ NO □

3) Have you ever had a friend who vigorously advocates that you break up with the person you’re with or is always insulting your partner YET that very same friend is entangled in a crappy relationship of their own with some loser unfortunate soul who they’ve threatened to leave for the 17th time yet keep going back to?
YES □ NO □

If you have answered “yes” to any of the above, CONGRATULATIONS, you are a lucky winner!!

Now don’t get me wrong, just because you may have a friend who possesses the traits I have mentioned above, doesn’t mean they are a bad friend or a bad person. It just means that you should be much more careful about the information you disclose to them or how you behave around them. Unfortunately, this may ultimately lead you to remove your friend from your life indefinitely, regardless of how much it may hurt you.

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves and we often look at them for guidance and support, but we must also understand that sometimes our friends’ hearts aren’t in the right place nor do our friends always have our best interests in mind. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it is that as much as we value our friends’ opinions about our love lives, jobs, families, and lives in general, sometimes we just have to block them out and follow our instincts. Why? Because no matter how much you love your friend or respect their opinion at the time that it is given, you can never be absolutely sure as to where they’re really coming from or what the state of your friendship will be tomorrow. Value what your friends have to say but still do what is best for you.

What type of friend are YOU?

– Orisel

Sex Therapy

I’ll be the first to admit it: I think about sex wayyyyy too much. I probably think about it more than any man does or should. How much is too much you ask? Let me give you a chronological time line of my day; it goes a little like this: breakfast, sex, work, sex, lunch, sex, snack, sex, afternoon commute, sex, dinner….I’m sure you get the point now. No, it’s not because I’m some uncontrollable hornball. No, it’s not because my phone is blowing up with a plethora of men trying to “take me down” (although that does happen often) and no, its most definitely NOT because I’m some type of weird narcissist who’s looking for physical attention….I think about sex so often because I’m not having any. Yup, I said it! I’m not ashamed to say it and I could care less what you have to say about it.

The decision to not be intimate with someone is a personal one, not one imposed on me by others. Let me explain: as long as I can remember I’ve always been in a relationship. Healthy ones, toxic ones, crappy ones; happy ones….but the one relationship I’ve never bothered to devote any time to is the one I’ve had with myself. I’m not embarrassed to say that like many women I’ve spent so much of my young adult life trying to make the significant other in my life feel gratified, that I made excuses as to why I was so unfulfilled. Worse yet, I convinced myself that it was “normal” to feel so unhappy.

Now don’t get me wrong, nothing against my former partners, they are all wonderful people who I learned to love as individuals as well as love interests regardless of our differences, I’ve just now come to the horrible realization that I never learned to give myself the same courtesy. It’s the same scenario every time: boy meets girl, boy chases girl, boy gets girl and then girl fades into some weird oblivion that she never comes out of. Nowhere in there did I mention girl setting boundaries for herself or girl remembering not to give everything to boy in the first 6 months huh?

The hardest part about being alone for the very first time in my life is that I didn’t know HOW to be alone. When you’re so used to always having a better half (or in many cases a worse one) by your side, you tend to forget that you still need to remain enamored with yourself. I, by all means am NO guru when it comes to love, but if you’ve been through the type of pain I’ve been through in the past few months, with very few people around you who truly understand, one day you wake up realizing that survival and healing are the only real options you have.

This brings me back to sex (because I’m sure that’s what you REALLY want to continue reading about). In case you’re wondering: yes, I miss the kissing and touching. Yes, I miss the “morning surprises” *wink* and yes, I miss the passionate moments random strangers couples share in the privacy of their bedroom. I’m human. Of course I miss those things! Sex is great, but what I miss most by far is the intimacy that comes with it. The hugs, the kisses, someone to always hold my hand. I miss somebody always being available to go out to dinners and outings. I miss lazy Saturday nights lying in bed watching crappy episodes of Jersey Shore with a beer in my hand. Most of all, I miss the comfort of having the built-in friend that comes with the luxury of having a better half. I miss everything mentioned above BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF LOSING MYSELF…AGAIN and most definitely NOT at the price of my sanity and/or happiness.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person out there reading this right now who feels this way either, I’m probably just one of the few who will admit it. However, as hard as the road has been (believe me, I have scars to prove it), I’m thankful that I’ve been to hell and back in a hand basket. I’ve learned so much about myself and I’ve never felt more comfortable in my own skin. When the time is right, whatever or whoever is meant for me will come into my life and then I’ll be ready. Until then, the only person I’ll continue to learn how to love is myself, after all it did take me 25 years to get here. In the famous words of Carrie Bradshaw “If you can find someone to love the you YOU love, well, then that’s just Fabulous!”

Until next time, my name is Ori and that’s my story.

Just for kicks:

Pop Quiz: It’s time for work…..guess what I’m thinking about? =D

– Orisel